Heavenly Father has blessed me throughout my life in many ways and with so many tender mercies. Today I am so filled with gratitude for my beautiful daughter, Ambur. She is truly a precious gift and I am going to share the story of how she came to be a member of my family--something I don't think I have shared before.
I am not sure how one can effectively describe gratitude for a child, of course there are always ways to express gratitude for actions of a child, responsibility of a child and so many things, but I want to express something deeper, family oriented, such gratitude and hopefully the same gratitude I feel each year on January 18th will manifest itself in a positive light, for that is how it is meant to be felt.
Of course it is her birthday, Ambur Victoria Davis, January 18th 1985 was the date of her birth. Her name is Ambur spelled 'bur' after her Grandpa Davis, Wilbur. Victoria because it means to conquer life situations and be a victor and of course Davis because that is her family name.
Through the late 70's and into the late 1980's, I had experienced much loss through tubal pregnancies, miscarriages and not being able to conceive. There are many who understand these struggles, but also many who may not feel the empathy that comes along with the loss of life that wasn't really bigger than a bean. In the beginning of my marriage, I struggled to conceive. This was difficult in many ways, but especially as I attended Sacrament meeting and Relief Society meeting. I always felt that I was being judged for not having a child, having been married plenty long enough to have given birth. It wasn't really something you talked about. I felt so alone. Then something happened. A young couple moved into our ward in Utah and she too had been through some of the same struggles and trials that I had. We immediately clicked in what would become a really great relationship. She was the first tool in my life which I felt to be sent straight from Heaven to help me be able to cope with my life struggles. We were able to confide in each other and attend our meetings together and it helped my soul to heal some.
Once my son Blaine was born, it was not so difficult to conceive as it was to have a pregnancy last more the 3 months. I had numerous miscarriages including one pregnancy that lasted 5 months. Then I got to experience a tubal pregnancy. That was so debilitating and it became easy to feel that it was Heavenly Father's way of letting me know I had made some poor decisions in my life and wasn't worthy of raising one of his special children. There was so much loss and grief and self blame, I really didn't know how or even if I could continue going through it. About the time of my tubal pregnancy, my good friend ended up moving to Colorado and I found myself alone in a world of emotion that I simply did not know how to cope with.
My husband and I decided we would try adoption as an option. We spoke with a lawyer friend and he told us he would handle an adoption for us. So the process began. It wasn't long, I don't remember just how much time lapsed, and we received a call from our lawyer who said he had twins that had been born the day before and the parents were wanting to place them for adoption. What anticipation and excitement filled my soul. But then, he told us some other possible problems with this particular adoption. He said they were considered "hard to place" because they were of mixed race (this was a big thing in the time it was happening) and mom and dad had both been involved in drugs. We prayed about it and although the color of the skin was not an issue with us, we just didn't feel good about it. This was such a difficult decision because I wanted children so badly. But we didn't want to create a bad environment for them and it really just came down to the fact that we didn't feel good about it. We relayed the news to the lawyer. Then our faith in Heavenly Father came to fruition when I received a call from a family member who informed me that she was pregnant and wanted me to adopt her child. The timing was amazing and although I had some reservations about adopting from family. My husband and I discussed many different scenarios and I suggested that her baby go to our lawyer and he in turn would place the next baby on his list with us. She would have none of that. So, we of course said yes and it was amazing to know that there would be a baby in our future in less than a year and the excitement started building.
When a family member adoption is in place, it can become difficult for family members for several different reasons. Within my own family, there were members that expressed concerns and those that felt joy. My sister had requested that I not say anything to family members, my response to that request was that I wouldn't volunteer the information, but that I wouldn't lie to anyone either. Once people found out, I had various conversations.
I had worries from time to time as to if my sister would change her mind how difficult it would be, I probably couldn't even begin to imagine how it would have changed my life. Then I would remind myself that Heavenly Father was steering this ship and the decisions that were being made and that I would be able to handle any scenario that was presented to us. Temple attendance during the next few months was such an important part of my life. I never had a feeling of fear or that the decision was a wrong one. I only had peace and comfort and love for my sister and her sacrifices.
My sister came to stay with us in either the end of December or the 1st of January, (I don't remember which now) and we were all excited. Rebecca had her two oldest children with her and they had a great time playing with Blaine and it seemed like Arizona was a welcome change from the cold of Utah. I was truly astonished at how the kids were so accepting and really thought of the baby in their mom's tummy as my baby, Blaine's sibling. There was no hesitation when they spoke of it. We really had a great visit while they were there.
We met with the Lawyer, my sister had an appointment with the obgyn we had made arrangements with to be there for delivery and we took a tour of the Phoenix Children's Hospital in Maricopa county, Arizona. Then the wait was on. We waited and enjoyed our time and waited for the new arrival.
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