January 18th 1985 came along and my sister woke up with some contractions and so off we went to the hospital (this was at the physician's request), when we arrived, they were ready for us. How can one possibly explain the feeling of seeing someone you care for laying on a bed and experiencing some pain and a lot of discomfort all in an effort to give birth to a special spirit from Heavenly Father--one can't. I remember thinking that this is what the dad feels like as he watches his wife give birth. I was at the other end of the event and that was no easy task. My recollection is that we were all settled in around 2 in the afternoon. I didn't experience the kind of troubles (which really weren't troubles, but normal birth process) when I gave birth to Blaine. From my first cramp to holding him in my arms was less than one hour. So I didn't even really know how to help my sister. It sure can be a long process with a lot of pain. She would dilate to a six or so then totally stop. Then it started all over again. At about 9:00 p.m. the baby's heart had really had enough pushing to get out and into this world and the Doctors started preparing for a C-section. That was a little scary and my sister really didn't want them to do it. I remember my heart just filling so full with love for her as she tried to do every possible thing she could to deliver the baby rather than do a c-section. At about 11:50 PM (I think) we finally got to see a beautiful baby girl who had lots of hair, a little on the blue side and had to get a little tap on the bottom to hear that first breath but there she she was weighing in at 8 lb 12 oz. She had 10 fingers and 10 toes. All was not perfect as the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and that is why she had the blue color about her, it didn't take long, maybe seconds, to get that cord unwrapped and clean her up and bundle her and handed her to my sister who said, "no, her mom needs to be the first to hold her". The next thing I knew, I was holding her, a beautiful baby girl, my heart was full, and very humble at that moment. My sister and I both cried with joy and happiness.
As I walked to the nursery to give them our sweet baby, I knew that this little baby girl was mine, not of normal means, but she was meant to be with me, to grow and learn with me, to cause me worry, to bring me joy and was meant to be a member of our family. There were no more doubts of any kind, just peaceful joy and gratitude. The nurses in the nursery told me that my sister had signed a statement that she would not hold the baby. I went back to her and told her, it was fine with me if she changed her mind and wanted to hold the baby. I told her that I wanted her to feel comfortable in every decision and that she didn't need my permission, she could hold her as much as she wanted.
The next day I went to the hospital and see that my sister is in the room with all the other new mothers (that must have been difficult for her) and the social worker (I can't remember her name) was there with the baby and my sister was talking with the social worker. I went in and I gave my sister a hug. Suddenly, the curtain around us was closed and the Social worker said before she could make the final sign off on the adoption papers, there was one thing that needed to be done. Then, she handed the baby to my sister, she had her kiss the baby and tell her why she carried her for nine months and why she was going to be handing her to me. This was beautiful. It was peaceful and loving and one of the most humbling experiences I have ever been a part of in my life. As my sister spoke to this sweet little baby girl, the love was evident. Then she said, she was handing her to her mom, and I once again held this beautiful baby girl. I told her (at the social worker's request) how happy I was to have her in my life and I promised to always be there for her. I told her about her brother and our family and it was really a great experience. Then the curtains opened and back to the nursery the baby went and my sister got dressed to come back to my house. It would be a couple of days before we could sign papers at the lawyers, according to the laws, and arrangements had been made for all of us to be with friends or at the house and we were off.
The day came to sign the papers and say goodbye to my sister and her two kiddo's. We sat together in the Lawyer's office and they asked for my sister to review the documents and then sign if she agreed with everything. That she did. Still to this day, I don't know if I could do what she did. In fact I am pretty sure I couldn't. But she was prepared mentally, emotionally and physically and that day, she did a good thing. While I don't believe I could do the same, I have so much gratitude that my sister could. I have love, respect, joy, admiration, some doubt, and mostly just gratitude. Gratitude that she listened to the spirit when I didn't and she knew that the baby inside her was not really meant for her. Gratitude that she had the fortitude to let her children know that the baby in her tummy was not their sister, but their cousin because the baby belonged to their Aunt. Love for the experience of for just a small amount of time being close to her, a loving person who knew better than I. Joy for knowing that a Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves and guided us both to share this amazing experience. For now, this is the end of the Heavenly Gift post. I will have many more posts about Ambur and her life with our family, where she was meant to be.
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