No Balance In February

Today started out with a Doctor appointment for Ambur.  For the last couple of weeks she has been experiencing some pain in her abdomen.  She has had her appendix out so we know it isn't that.  The pain has gotten progressively worse so we got an appointment on my lunch hour so I could go with her.

We were sent to the Emergency Room with the thought that it was probably her gall bladder.  I let my boss know and I can say that it made me feel good I didn't have to go back into the office. I had to pretty immediately figure out plans for Gimlet if Ambur would be staying.  We headed to the ER and I called my son, Blaine, who works at the hospital to see if he could grab someone and come and give her a blessing. He said he would be up.  In the meantime, they took her back and we met with the ER doctor.

We totally got a great Doctor in the emergency room.  She had actually been an intern at fourpoints health under Ambur's doctor.  They did Xrays and then sent us back out to the waiting room and no sign of Blaine so I called the missionaries to come and give Ambur a blessing.  They got there before Blaine and we went into a quiet room and she got a blessing.  I felt like the blessing was also for me with all the struggles I am currently experiencing and the blessing included me by saying I would have the strength to assist Ambur as needed and we would feel our Heavenly Father's love in out life.  That was a wonderful feeling.  Blaine came up and I let him know we had gotten the blessing.  He spoke with Ambur for a minute and then headed out.

Meanwhile we got the results back from the X-Rays and the Doctor said there just wasn't enough evidence that it was the gall Bladder.  This is what we had feared.  I have had those types of pains from time to time since 2017 and have been told over and over and that there just wasn't  a need to have the gall bladder taken out yet.  The doctor asked us to wait a little longer and when she came back, she had called several surgeons and found one that would take Ambur's case and do the surgery.  Hooray--I think.

We headed to our room.  I decided not to stay with her and that way I could take Gimme home and tomorrow she would be OK for a few hours alone.  Ambur got herself all settled.  Ordered some food for herself.  We said our goodbyes and off I went.  What a way to end a month.

February was really not my best month.  I was having more bully treatment at work and reported it to my supervisor because it was just ridiculous.  I was being locked out of my office almost daily but what they didn't realize is that I have a key to the door.  Every time I go out for a break they use lotions and perfumes that set me off coughing.  I got my area moved from the door because so many people come in to visit with them and it is so noisy.  One of the girls constantly makes very rude comments and continues to offend with her language.  Instead of loving to go to work, I was in near tears everyday as i would go just wondering what might happen to me.  I have never in all my career experienced  anything like it.  I have just felt sad.  They turn the heater up so high it is like an oven and then when I open the door they complain and on three of the days they did this, They talked to each other as if I wasn't in the room saying how the person they work with stinks -- no kidding it is 94 in a room with no ventilation, everyone stinks.  I find myself sleeping almost every minute I was at home.  My supervisor was sympathetic but not completely helpful.  I realized as I thought about this month today, that I have not read scriptures consistently and that really just wipes away any balance.  It is as though I shut the door on Heavenly Father and don't want to let him into my life.  I definitely have some work to do for next month.  I am thankful that there is always the chance to change, adjust, restart life every single day.  I have really felt like a failure this month and instead of fighting the negative off, I have fallen to it's horrible trap.  Probably the closest to depression I have ever been and it sure doesn't feel good .

I am grateful to know that with just a few simple changes things can be joyful and happy for me.  Amidst it all, I know I am blessed and I am grateful for the knowledge.  With Ambur's situation, March will be starting off with a bang.  What else will be coming our way for March?????  Life is full of challenges and I love the journey.  I feel so blessed to have felt the spirit in the blessing by the missionaries and I think it will be a start to me choosing to feel good instead of bad and come up with more possible ways to fight off the negative all around me.